Share the Care, How to Organize a Group to Care for Someone Who is Seriously Ill
By Cappy Caposella and Sheila Warnock
Book Review by D. Rein, Third Haven Monthly Meeting, Easton, Md.
In the mid-1990s Friends Journal published an article about a young man with AIDs living with the support of a care committee established by his friends. When I mentioned it to a Friend from Third Haven Friends Meeting, she referred me to the book, Share the Care. As an educator and social worker, reading this book led me on a journey that continues today. When an attender at our meeting, also a skilled middle school art teacher, received a second cancer diagnosis that was predicted to be terminal, I shared the Friends Journal article and care committee concept with her. She contacted me and asked to set up a care committee, “before,” as she put it, “things got too hairy.” Following the process detailed in Share the Care ten of her friends whom she selected joined together for the two-year support to the end of her life.
The book, Share the Care, and the website, sharethecare.org, provide a detailed guide for establishing, operating and maintaining a care committee for someone with an illness who would benefit from support, a complementary process to the Guidelines for Care in Faith and Practice. This person retains their personal power in that they select the proposed committee members as well as two organizers who invite those people to an initial meeting. At this meeting specific activities following scripts in the book help people get to know each other, provide information and organize. From then on, the gathered personal information of team members, “wills and won’ts” of their possible contributions, and captain pairs, who set up schedules on a regular basis after consulting with the beneficiary of help, run on a continuing basis depending on the person’s needs and wants. In the beginning my art teacher friend just wanted a daily phone call to check in; later company to doctor visits, a motorcycle passenger ride, and practical supports were incorporated into our plans. We enjoyed her company and all benefited from the experience.
Share the Care is based on THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR CAREGIVERS
PRINCIPLE # 1:
SHARING RESPONSIBILITY ISTHE KEY TO NOT “BURNING OUT.”
PRINCIPLE # 2:
IT WON’T WORK UNLESS EVERYONE GAINS SOMETHING PERSONALLY.
PRINCIPLE # 3:
KNOW YOUR LIMITS AND STICK TO THEM.
PRINCIPLE # 4:
THERE’S NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO IT
PRINCIPLE # 5:
ANYONE WHO WANTS TO HELP SHOULD BE ENCOURAGED.
PRINCIPLE #6:
TRUST THE GROUP; SUPPORT EACH OTHER.
PRINCIPLE #7:
KEEP YOUR OWN LIFE IN GOOD WORKING ORDER.
Share the Care provides extensive guidance and suggested scripts for conducting the organizing meeting and organizational processes. Book sections include: What is a Caregiver Group and Who Needs One?, Starting Your Group and Making It Run, Being Part of a Group and Sharing the Jobs, Keeping the Group and Yourself Going, and Beyond the Group: Changed Lives. Detailed information and suggestions in each section’s chapters provide a practical guide for anyone interested in helping a friend. Doing so in a well-organized manner helps the beneficiary, facilitates connections and actually results in everyone learning and growing together. As principle three notes: everyone gains something personally. This easy to read and follow guide enhanced the life of my artist friend, my life, and the lives of her Share the Care committee.
Diana M. Rein is a Masters Social Worker with over thirty years of experience as an educator. She specializes in interactive workshops for adult learners. Her presentation on Share the Care reflects her personal experience facilitating care committees to empower patients and support caregivers. Other available continuing education programs include SMART Recovery, SMART Family and Friends, Speak Up, Ethics topics and Peer Mediation. She is a knitter, a piano student and teaches the Motorcycle Safety Program under the auspices of the state of Maryland. Diana can be reached at email hidden; JavaScript is required
Diana Rein is a member of the 2025-2026 Quaker Aging Resources (QAR) Support Group. Upon mentioning this book and her experience, Diana was asked to prepare this article. A pamphlet written in 2010 in QAR Being Present When Friends are Ill | Quaker Aging Resources is another resource for Meetings and Friends. Additional programs on aging created by Third Haven were shared on PYM News. Third Haven Helps Members and Attenders Navigate Life Stages as Friends · Philadelphia Yearly Meeting
Support for sharing this information was initiated by Sheila Sorkin, PYM, Aging Support Coordinator. This article is to provide support, resources and engage the aging community of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting as part of the “To Brighten Your Day” series.