Despite the often negative images of aging presented to us, older adults report a much higher degree of life satisfaction and self-esteem than younger people do. In fact, older adults have very high levels of self-acceptance and contentedness. They have encountered life’s vicissitudes, its surprises and disappointments, and its paradoxes and mysteries enough to know that they can most likely cope with whatever the future holds. And they have learned that coping is best done with the support of others in their community, their family, and their friends.

Research even suggests that older adults are better at resolving communal conflicts. They are good at seeing clearly both sides of a dispute and mediating conflict with insight, wisdom, and compassion. Friends have always turned to elders

for guidance and care, an ancient knowing that modern science now affirms.

The ability of older people to maintain a strong sense of purpose and self in the face of the changes associated with aging is directly related to their ability to cope and to find satisfaction in their later years.

The serenity and balance that comes with aging grows out of a continuity of spiritual and personal values, lifestyle choices, and the valuing of interpersonal relationships. If spiritual development implies a journey, then continuity of values—or as Friends would say, our continued witness to our testimonies—is what makes the path we tread. 

In his book Spirituality and Aging, Robert C. Atchley says that continuity represents “a character evolving over a lifetime of action and learning . . . struggle and joy and heartbreak.” Our experiences help us form a solid base from which to cope with the changes and challenges of aging. 

Though the path of living our values and testimonies may not always run smoothly, for most aging adults it is the factor that provides an enduring and sustaining sense of purpose and direction to their lives. This continuity does not just happen by chance; it is an intentional choice made by people to achieve their goals and adapt to changing circumstances, according to Atchley.

Continuity as an adaptation strategy is especially useful for aging adults. For Friends, the spiritual context of our lives is foundational to our understanding of what it means to be alive. If we neglect the spiritual as we face our aging, frailty, dying, and eventual death, we stand to lose a most precious resource.

What can Friends do?
Friends’ Care Committees can offer aging meeting members the opportunity to discern how best to plan their lives with continuity by providing clearness on many of the issues that face older adults. Care Committees can help friends discern and take action about issues such as:

• Adjusting to retirement
• Living with physical challenges and diminishing health
• Envisioning the prospect of changing one’s residence
• Coping with the behavioral changes associated with memory loss and dementia in oneself and others
• Adjusting to caregiving a loved one
• Dealing with grief and bereavement over the death of peers and loved ones
• Balancing the challenges of independent living and assisted living against personal care needs
• Maintaining or repairing relationships with family and caregivers
• Facing decisions about end-of-life care, death, and dying

A strong sense of continuity in values and relationships can empower people to find greater fulfillment and contentment in their later years. If Friends can stay connected to those experiences that give their lives meaning and purpose with hope and creativity, their inner lives will continue to blossom, bringing untold benefits to themselves and their meeting community.