Category Archives: Spirituality and Aging

Book Review: On the Brink of Everything

Written by Parker Palmer (Published 2018)

Book Review By Sheila Sorkin

Parker Palmer wrote this memoir, a book of essays, poems, and reflections, in his seventies. My interest in the book was caught when I read the title, and an impactful statement early in the book confirmed my interest:

“We need to reframe aging as a passage of discovery and engagement, not decline and inaction.”

Palmer, a Friend, founded the Center for Courage and Renewal, which oversees long-term retreat programs that are deeply rooted in Quaker spirituality and practices. He was influenced by his experience at the Quaker study center Pendle Hill, where he went for a year’s sabbatical and ultimately stayed for eleven years, eventually becoming Dean of Studies.

Palmer’s writing is infused with humor despite his lifelong recurrent depression, describing how he struggled to live his life with meaning and service. He shares his life experiences of writing and love of nature while honoring his family. Palmer speaks of his mentor, Thomas Merton, whom he knew entirely through his writings. These experiences led him to Quakerism. Palmer writes,

“The spiritual journey is an endless process of engaging life as it is, stripping away our illusions about ourselves, our world, and the relationship of the two, moving closer to reality as we do.”

A beautiful part of Palmer’s book was the exploration of music written by his friend, a young woman, Carrie Newcomer. He named his book after her song “The Brink of Everything.”

Listen to The Brink of Everything, by Carrie Newcomer.

The book can be read in parts rather than cover to cover. Below is a list of section titles. Note with interest “Keep Reaching Out,” where he writes encouraging older people to keep their engagement with the world. He emphasizes how elders can share their gifts. Another section on the value of intergenerational relationships is worth absorbing. Like Eric Erikson, the psychoanalyst, Palmer writes of the importance of giving ourselves to rising generations; it is essential to our vitality.

I. The View from the Brink: What I Can See from Here

II. Young and Old: The Dance of the Generations

III. Getting Real: From Illusion to Reality

IV. Work and Vocation: Writing a Life

V. Keep Reaching Out: Staying Engaged with the World

VI. Keep Reaching In: Staying Engaged with Your Soul

VII. Over the Edge: Where We Go When We Die

The final chapter does not provide answers yet invites readers to explore as we approach “the brink of everything.” Palmer notes that Quakers have little to say about the hereafter, or if they do, he didn’t get the memo. However, Palmer has much to say about what we can do while we’re still in this world, and it’s well worth the read.

This article was prepared by Sheila Sorkin, PYM, Aging Support Coordinator in collaboration with Janaki Spikkard Keeler, Friends Counseling Services Coordinator, to provide support, resources and engage the aging community of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting as part of the “To Brighten Your Day” series.

Spirituality & Aging Workshop

An interactive workshop with Friends exploring what spiritual gifts to nurture. An opportunity to bring a new vision of how the Inner life, the Creative Life and the Community Life can be discovered and shared.

Celebrating Aging in Your Faith Community

Q: Do I show through my way of living that love of God includes affirming the equality of all people, treating others with dignity and respect, and seeking to recognize and address that of God in every person?

“Show loving consideration for all creatures, and cherish the beauty and wonder of God’s creation. Attend to pure wisdom and be teachable.”
PYM Faith and Practice, 2002

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Generational Relationships: Advices and Queries

Q: Is our Meeting open and accessible to all regardless of race, ability, sexual orientation, class, age or challenges?

We are all aging. Many people associate the term “aging” with the later years of life. If you ask a group when aging begins, the answer will often be an age older than that of the people in the group. Friends believe we should honor that of God in one another and willingly serve those in need. We care for our older and frail Friends and we educate and nurture our young.

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Celebrating Lives and Life Stories

One of the amazing joys of growing old is to reflect on life experiences. In fact, Sophocles in writing about old age, said, “One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.” As if to say, the rays of sun finally come together in striking brilliance as a sunset. So how can this brilliance be captured for ourselves as elders and to bless the Meeting?

First, create opportunities to celebrate individual lives. Perhaps it is a landmark birthday. An 85 year old in our Friends Meeting is still relishing the joy of her 80th birthday party. She said, “It was like going to my own Memorial Service, but I got to hear and enjoy it all.” Another person slowed the pace of an eventful life work as a peace activist. A cast of characters from 44 years of her work around the world were asked to share memories and fill a scrapbook. The Meeting shared a potluck and sang the songs that accompanied the journey. . This celebration allowed all of us to reminisce about the marches, campaigns, joys, and sorrows of trying to make a difference in the world.

The second way to capture the brilliance of the sunset is through the telling of one’s own story. There are many lists of interview questions and books that can help get the story telling juices flowing, but you simply need to sit down and put your thoughts to paper.

Everyone has a story! It is easy to think our own lives are not as significant as someone else’s life story, but in reality there is goodness in each story. My mother’s story is called ‘Homemaker’. She had an amazing ability to make home in seemingly unorthodox settings, like a chicken house or a truck bed. She painted, put up curtains, raked the gravel and created a home for her family. We all appreciated her willingness to make the most of what she had and her story reminds us of that goodness.

Spiritual Communities can be especially helpful in this process of capturing life stories. Individual or group story gatherers such as Young Friends, are a gift to all. In our Meeting, the present clerk has spent previous years interviewing elders particularly on their role and experiences as Quakers. Subsequently, Times to Remember sessions are scheduled, where she asks the Meeting and all who know these elders to come, hear their stories, and share their memories. This is a delightful ongoing process.

Many find their life story contains a message that needs to be shared in a publication. This could be a journal or newsletter produced by your faith group; Quakers for example may want to publish a Pendle Hill pamphlet or an article in Friends Journal. Don’t be bashful—put these life stories in the church, synagogue, mosque or Meeting library.

Perhaps those who especially need to have your story recorded in some way is your family. An easy way to capture a life story is with the photo album. A picture of swimming at the beach in Silver Bay can be used to tell the experience of going there over a life time, while breaking out some special incidents or meaningful memories. “The Baker Family and Silver Bay” can all be built around that one picture, or many such pictures!

A good life story is one of the most important gifts we can ever offer each other.

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More articles on this website:

Celebrating Aging in Your Faith Community
Generational Relationships: Advices and Queries
Generativity and Aging

Other Articles/Links:

Whole Life Story: ideas for story gathering